How Your Childhood Shaped Your Spending Habits
Introduction: In my thirty years of life I have had an off again on again relationship with money. Sometimes I think it is the root of all evil, or a necessary evil, and sometimes I feel like I know how to make it mine and have contol of it. I grew up in Maine with one parent that had learned how to manage their money, while my other parent seemed to never have it together. My father would tell me horror stories of how one day in his twenties he walked away from all of his credit cards choosing not to pay, dodging calls until one day they stopped. He had to learn how to survive off of no credit, debt, and a whole lot of extravagant spending choices like going to Europe. I was horrified by this and vowed to never be like him. Unfortunately, in my twenties I definitely made some pretty major financial mistakes. All in all, your parent’s money habits have a direct impact on your relationship with your finances whether you want to admit it or not.
Messages From Home: Our parent’s relationship with money is the first modeled behavior that we see as children. Did you watch your parents argue over bills? Talk openly about budgeting? If your parents did not model healthy “money scripts” or have a healthy relationship with money its highly likely that you don’t have a healthy one now. A child in a financially stressed home may grow up believing money is always scarce, leading to anxiety-driven saving or hoarding. A child in a household that freely spent without budgeting might learn to equate spending with self-worth or emotional relief.
Money and Emotions: So many people try to deny this but money is emotional. There is shame when we don’t have enough, there is confidence when we do. Money and emotions are tied together. Especially in childhood, our emotions often imprint themselves deeply onto our financial behavior. If spending money meant joy—say, a new toy as a reward—it may become a go-to emotional coping tool in adulthood. If financial stability was tied to parental approval or conflict, money can carry emotional weight long after we leave home. These associations can lead to habits like impulsive spending, retail therapy, or guilt around enjoying money.
Breaking the Cycle: The good news? Nothing is permanent. Just because you have done something one way, because your parents taught or modeled something for you, doesn’t mean you have to continue to do it. Childhood may set the stage, but it doesn’t solidify the script. The first step to changing your money mindset is bringing an awareness to the problem. It is important to ask yourself, where does my money go? Once you have that answer you can create sustainable change.
If you find yourself unable to budget, overspending, constantly worried about money, it is important to ask yourself: “where did these patterns begin?” Financial literacy, therapy, honest conversations with yourself and your partner, can help transform toxic money behaviors into transformative and empowered ones.
Conclusion: Our childhoods are a financial lens, they set a tone for how our relationships with money shift as we get older. It doesn’t matter what mistakes you have made in the past, you have the power and the ability to understand your money patterns and change them.
