Why Love Isn’t Always Enough

At the age of thirty, I’ve learned many life lessons — one of the biggest being what actually makes a relationship or marriage work long-term. As a therapist who works with couples, and as someone who has been with the same partner for seven years and married for two, I’ve learned that love alone doesn’t guarantee a healthy relationship.

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I want to talk about why love isn’t always enough — and what truly creates a strong, sustainable relationship built on respect, shared values, communication, and emotional safety.

Why talking about money is essential in Relationships: 

Having good, honest conversations about money with your partner is essential for a long-lasting relationship. When couples avoid talking about finances, it often leads to resentment, power struggles, and emotional distance. If you can come together and work as a team around money — your values, goals, and expectations — you’re building trust that will support your relationship in the long run.

Mutual respect is a need, not a request: 

I can’t tell you how many times in my marriage my husband and I discussed respect. Respect isn’t just about pretty words, it is about respecting the other person’s boundaries and needs. If it disappears the moment you set a boundary, it was never mutual. It isn’t something you earn by being agreeable, explaining yourself perfectly, or tolerating behavior that hurts you. In healthy relationships, respect is the baseline — not a reward for good behavior. Many people learn early that keeping the peace matters more than being respected. Over time, this can blur the line between flexibility and self-abandonment. Healing often begins by recognizing that respect is not optional in healthy relationships — it’s essential.

Shared values are everything in a Healthy Relationship: 

I have had many couples sit in therapy and ask me why their relationship wasn’t working. Of course, I was honest with them, they weren’t operating or acting on their shared values. You can communicate clearly and love deeply, but if you don’t agree on what respect looks like, how boundaries are honored, or who carries responsibility, the relationship will continue to feel exhausting.  Many people are taught to prioritize attachment over alignment — to stay because someone is familiar, loving at times, or trying their best. But relationships thrive not on potential, but on shared principles. Respect, accountability, emotional safety, and honesty aren’t preferences; they’re foundations.

Why love isn’t always enough in a Relationship: 

I often say this to my couples in therapy: just because love is present doesn’t mean it’s all a relationship needs. Love matters — but it isn’t the foundation. A healthy, sustainable relationship is built on something sturdier.

Love can coexist with misalignment, unresolved wounds, and unmet needs. It doesn’t automatically create safety, mutual respect, or shared responsibility. Without those things, love alone can end up holding people in cycles of confusion, resentment, or self-abandonment.

Successful relationships are built on a strong foundation — shared values, consistent respect, emotional safety, accountability, and the ability to repair when things go wrong. Love is part of that foundation, but it can’t replace it. When love is asked to carry what boundaries, communication, and alignment should be holding, it eventually collapses under the weight.

Sometimes the most painful realization isn’t that love is gone — it’s that love was never the missing piece.

What you can do about it: 

So what can you do about it? Start by getting honest — with yourself first. Notice where love is being used to override your needs, excuse harmful patterns, or keep you in relationships that feel unsafe or one-sided. Get curious about your values, your boundaries, and what emotional safety actually looks like for you. From there, the work isn’t about forcing change or proving your worth — it’s about choosing alignment, learning to communicate your needs clearly, and being willing to respond to the information a relationship gives you. Sometimes that means repairing and rebuilding together. Sometimes it means grieving what you hoped could be. Either way, you’re allowed to want more than love — you’re allowed to want a relationship that can truly hold you.

If you find yourself repeatedly questioning whether love is enough in your relationship, working with a therapist can help you gain clarity, strengthen communication, and understand what you truly need to feel safe and fulfilled. You don’t have to navigate these questions alone.